As a psychologist, a researcher, a coach, a mother and a wife I am always challenged by the word TIME.
Most of us rush to get to work, rush at work, and rush to go home! We often feel that we do not have enough time to savour our families and friends, a good movie or a nice book. We repeatedly complain that we can’t make the time to start that dancing class or do that photography course that we were putting off for such a long time that cameras had turned from analogical to digital….
The paradox of time management
So, the time and time management have become pretty big issues in our lives! Probably, bigger than ever before in the history of mankind, despite living in the era in which life expectancy increased 300%, as Zimbardo and Boyd point out in their book The Time Paradox (2008).
Another strange fact relates to the quality of our lives. Again as never before, our living standards improved in a way that people can spend more time on entertainment, travel, hobbies, and having fun (Zimbardo & Boyd, 2008).
But aren’t these great achievements nothing more but a great trap? Are we not implicitly governed by the idea that living more is a synonym for doing more? Usually, when people talk about time management they are thinking of how they can manage to fit other activities into their already busy lives and schedules.
Aren’t we just like the firemen, always rushing to fight the fires of dozens (if not hundreds) of daily e-mails in our inbox, of the final reports and budgets that we have to deliver on time and of the complex and demanding households that we have to take care of. In this sense people often see time management as the process of finding the time between putting these fires out to actually work on the activities listed on their to do list (shouldn’t it be named wishlist to reflect the reality?).
Slow down and live in the present moment
How CAN we slow down? Cichés like ‘carpe diem’ or ‘live in the here and now’ easily come to mind…. Unfortunately, easier said than done, as always. Slowing down should be the trend for the next fashion season, as well as for the next season of anything! Yet, it is not simply about living in the present moment…
Have a balanced time perspective
It is about focusing on having a more balanced approach to time and life, in which we value our past experiences through the way we live our present, enjoy the here and the now, and use the present to visualise and act out the future we wish to attract (Boniwell & Zimbardo, 2004; Boniwell, Osin, Linley & Ivanchenko, 2010; Zimbardo & Boyd, 2008).
Actually, having a balanced time perspective has many benefits. People are happier, they have better relationships with family and friends, enjoy their communities a lot more, have less stress and a better health, are more successful in work and career, and have a more positive perception of time (Boniwell et al., 2010; Zimbardo & Boyd, 2008).
Still, what is this balanced time perspective? I believe that it is what positive psychology would define as flourishing:
Hedonic and Eudaimonic Approaches to Happiness
Hedonic happiness is simply about positive experiences and pleasure. To be happy we need to have some leisure, fulfilling rest or fun time, cultivate positive relations, and have a sense of achievement in our careers.
Within a eudaimonic perspective we should focus on personal development and transcendence. Thus, it is about learning and developing our potentials and skills, finding flow and creating meaning in our daily lives, as well as being committed to something larger than ourselves (Boniwell, 2011).
9 tips on how to slow down
And how can we actually put it into practice day after day? Here are some tips to slow down and exercise a more balanced hedonic-eudaimonic approach to time in your life (Boniwell & Zimbardo, 2004; Zimbardo and Boyd, 2008):
- spend time with your family and savour it – play with your kids, go out with your partner, and listen to grandma’s old stories;
- spend time on you and value it: play, party, exercise, and take the time to enjoy yourself without feeling guilty;
- at work do not focus only on the end result and try to find flow in being productive and creative;
- avoid taking work home;
- take some time to do absolutely NOTHING, enjoy the boredom and indulge in the “dolce far niente”, again without blaming yourself;
- laugh (!);
- indulge your desires and passions;
- savour the small things in life;
- and finally, don’t forget to meditate.
Make the right choices
Yet, to accomplish all of the above, aren’t we back to the idea that we have to make the time to do more? Is this how slowing down really looks like?
This is not about doing more. This is about making the right choices. Every time you have to choose, get back to the question “What makes my life worth living?”. As Peterson points out in his book Pursuing the Good Life (2013) we should focus not just on doing the activities, but instead on choosing the ones that bring more enthusiasm and joy to our lives, that are more engaging and meaningful. So why not just slow down and focus on the «good work, good love, good play and good service»(p. 13)?
Written by Dr. Ilona Boniwell, originally published on Lifelabs.psychologies.co.uk